| FUCKKKKKKKKK OFFF MENNNNN! |
[01 Feb 2006|03:25am] |
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i give up. MEN. done.
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| withering shivers.... mesmerizing whispers |
[20 Jan 2006|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 head over heels |
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the cold binds her like an infant wrapped in the clouds
she whispers every thoughts and wishes
singing a melancholy through the night
which seems endless
she smiles at every childish dreams she sees
bubbling up in her mind
how she wishes that he knows what she's missing
how she wonders if he means every single word that he say
then she holds back the thoughts..
no... she thought
it could not be. everything is temporary
things may change as one mind's evolves
just like her own.
she is still searching for that one..
that one will stay. but he will never control her
her mind and her soul
no. he is not here yet.
she thought
everything moves so slowly
she still doubts the one she is about to unwind
yes, she is so sure of what she likes
yet she is not sure of what she needs
what should she want
she is still unsure
let the dark clouds just shine on her :)
she's happy.
she's dancing..
she's in love with that beautiful stranger...
she's withering though... in doubts... in the name of love..
or just nothing is real..
but let this fantasy keep her gay..
just everyday..
something she should look forward in her life..
no she does not hate her life... anymore.. only for him..
even it is not real.. even if he adores her temporarily...
she is happy... she is..
:)
i miss you too...
you made her fall for you. so deeply.
cut her deep when you're ready.
swing her thoughts when you're sure of it
puppet-string her because she enjoys it for a while
she will never turn back.. but she'll take a glimpse
and smile..
but she is ready for you,.
only that battery is not included.
you will purchase her
she has fallen out of grace
she's tripping on every single thoughts of you
just you..
both benefits it all
you will be loved
you will feel her love because she loves you
and you love her..
she's all yours.
you're the master of puppet-her
she is all over you like strawberry deeped in melted chocolate
she couldn't resist you
you are her faerytale now. you are her story she's writing of.
you are what inspires her insanity. you embraced what she calls beauty.
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| i wish i was so fucking special |
[10 Jan 2006|01:45am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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i'm starting work at cc today. and i can't sleep. darn. i hope they provide staff lunch because i'm totally cashless. hopeless. i'm not going to be late for work. never. i suck at punctuality. the last time i had a job, i was being fired because i was late everyday. -_- slack. i hope everything will go well soon.
sara caused a lot of trouble already. her parents reported her missing. she has been staying by my side.. or should i say i stood by her side because she almost got raped in rex's place and she got traumatized. her mom sent me an sms to scare me. she told me to give my statement to the police and told me that it is an offence to recover a missing person. slack. wtf. i never got myself into this kind of serious trouble. and i don't think she should stay with me at eilla's place. i shall discuss with eilla. -sighs- tasha was the first problem.. now sara. and i don't want to be a next problem to myself. bleh.
ya salam!
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| dumping thoughts |
[06 Jan 2006|01:00am] |
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so what is ian trying to do? his new flame's gone back to australia and he's bored. and therefore, i popped out in his mind. ahh! use her. -_- i love spending time with the girls and the boys. haha! with my friends basically. and i have been naughty today. mm mm. sorry, mubarak.. ;) i love him to bits. i love herny and my sweet sara! i love khaled, mazeed and ahmad. i have to catch up with my dear radiah too. darn! she's going to aussie soon for further studies. nick has been calling me up for lunch/dinner. bleh. i so screwed. i promise you, nick. soon. hahaha!
yey! i found a job. at coffee club.
few things to clear... bills... save up...... buy a bed! ayy! go ikea website and check out new stuff! bye!
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| the kids' fashion is trashed. |
[04 Jan 2006|06:34am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
so god-damn trashed. im watching green day's video, jesus of suburbia. i guess they really portrayed some trashed kids........ their fucked attitude towards parents, what's-with-the-dress-up/image, fucked up relationship, tattoos taboos, alcohol and drugs bullshit, dirty toilets, dirty home... ayyy. so trashed. so the trend now. so trashed.
now malays dress to kill........ my orgasms. they really have to power to turn me off. i'm so god-damn sorry that i totally see them as nothing so special. redza had to agree with it. he thinks the same too.
ayy i met redza, my cousin, and we had a heart-to-heart talk. it was all cool. it's just that i dressed up to go down to meet him. that was embarrassing because i worried if he wanted to go town just in case or anything.
mubarak lends me a mobile! and i don't know what model it is! yay! now i can sms in peace. i miss herny. im meeting sara later. we're going to jobhunt. i'm not asleep yet. :p
sara is so sweet. she bought me dinner at mos burger. prawns and 2 chicken. then she bought pure chocolate. and she bought some foodstuff like chips ahoy, green tea, tuna, milk and chachos. then khaled called me just to check on me if i'm home yet. so sweet. well i was only hanging around my area. chatted with mubarak on the phone too. there was some problem going on at the station. darn. thank god he's got patience now. yeah. thank god he was being sent to yemen before. :p
i love you all. :)
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| dumping thoughts |
[26 Dec 2005|04:53pm] |
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let me sum up everything..... i'm having fun!!!
yes no thoughts about sex. i love my friends. i love sara, herny, mubarak, radiah, ahmad, khaled, aidid, eilla, waleed, fahad, mazeeed... all of you!! i love you!!!
i love shaz! she got irritated with me!
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[09 Dec 2005|02:00am] |
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music |
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some scorpion song la |
] |
depressed. why bother make ourselves depressed. end of the day, i can't sleep. feeling fuck. why make like so hard. life... it's not simple already. it's way too complicated. no one would want someone too complicated. haha! make their life too hard. life is already hard for all of us. won't think too much about it. migraine's not gonna get me anywhere but just further confusion in my decisions and my thoughts.
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| loath it. so loath it. |
[09 Dec 2005|01:41am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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you have no idea how used i feel. fucking motherfcuking used. im not mad. im just left in such a confusion that left me stammering and hold back my words and bluntly make myself look like a fool. can he just explain to me what the fcuk he wants? what's his purpose of doing this to me? i'm laughing at myself now. whore whore whore. you slut. :)
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| take it off the wall |
[07 Dec 2005|01:57pm] |
i met pio yesterday. got a big blow from him. he gave me this wake up bitch-slap call. look at me now. still jobless. did my studies halfway. no direction in life. so the minah-tress. i quite agree with him with that. i can't fight that fact because i'm not doing anything right now. he pointed out one thing about friends. he asked me who are my friends. shaz is. but he kept telling me that if she is, then she would fight for me to convince her mom to let me stay even when the parents come back to singapore once every month. she has done that but i screwed that part. i haven't learned to stand on my own feet yet. i'm still crashing around at people's places..... i think i should start working, save up some money and rent a place of my own, pick up all the stuff i left at people's house and secure the place for one long period of time. yeah. nurin's got a place for me to stay. i should tell ima that i will go get a place to rent with her. yeahh... we will save a lot of money.
i'll go look for ANY job now. wish me luck.
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| hot gossip, mama! |
[01 Dec 2005|07:34pm] |
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everyday, there'll always be something new. my parents accused me of sneaking into their house and stealing the slr camera. like wtf. they found a bunch of keys in their rubbish at the carporch, assuming that the bunch of keys was being thrown into the house after i got my camera. my younger fled away from home once again. survivor la he. they also accused my sis for 'forming an alliance' with me in whatever they assumed i did. my younger bro stole my piggy bank that was returned to my father from my nursery teacher after all these years. i was told that there's a lot of dollar notes in the piggy bank. bleh! sheesh
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| everyone is entitling themselves to emotional disorder. it's either they wish to show it or not. |
[29 Nov 2005|05:14am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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you raise me up |
] |
realize how i fucking feel..
i'm not some other fuck for you to fuck around and shitpiss on my fucking face. the angst have yet to flash its naked body to you. (well i didn't mean to think of flasher.. was in a serious mood a while ago. now i'm joking around.)
rooooooooaarrrr! ok. now i'm a little lion cub. heh!
i can't be serious in some issues, can i?
cracking lame jokes every now and then.
for those malays, emotional means an extreme happiness or sadness
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| get mad or walk away? |
[29 Nov 2005|04:40am] |
walk away. :) please do.
i decided to least down my loves and hates.
+love+
cats
my friends' mommies
steal mommies
sugarglider
love
samurai X
jap anime
jap anime
jap anime
my mind
debbie
challenge
ancient egypt
within temptation
nice people
dreams
fantasy
corsets
gucci rush
sing
momo
goth metal
nice metal music
keanu reeves
fairuza balk
SHAKIRA
SHAKIRA
SHAKIRA
tall boys in the making to become a real man
opocot
twisted minds
trainy thoughts
animals
work at the zoo
my nieces and nephews
north indians
coke
pure chocolate
skateboard
anything i bought with my own hard-earn money
to feel good
+hate+
coffee
scarves
malay-u
talk big do small
rezz
rich people
easy life people
coke
porn people pissing water on girls' face
mean people
little 3-16 year old girls who are not my cousins or nieces. back off!
clingy people
lousy nail polish
hurt
sit around at home
homeless
the sun/ the heat
my parents
sleepy now. yey! good night, world.
my name is fairuza. you readers are shakira. heh!
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[29 Nov 2005|03:41am] |
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how do i describe this "argh"? ok let's just say i feel so "argh". yes it's going to fade off soon. it will. lovely. it's going to be very quick and painless like a jab. just a tiny ant bite feeling and thats it. smile. eat. make whatever that makes you happy. happy pills. lol~ boyboy is sleeping by my side again. these cats... they'll just know when you feel down. :) i feel like biting off boyboy's head and cook like ikan pari. blehh! no. lol!
fell too deep. in the name of love. feel too deep in the shit. nahh. it's just another shit i'm facing. probably millions are facing the same too. take it easy. life's a thrill.
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| laughing my ass off. |
[28 Nov 2005|02:46am] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
and so iqbal got pissed when he saw my photos with razif up on razif's friendster photo file. so this is one of the photos. :p
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[27 Nov 2005|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
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music |
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nobody's home |
] |
funny how songs can synchronize with the way you feel at the point of time you listen to the song. haha! well a lot of people kept telling me how avril lavigne i am. i totally hate her music because of that. i hate everything about her. no one likes to be compared. few occasions made me change the way i view things. i'm beginning to accept a few factors about the avril music. lol! pio made me sing Don't tell me song at the kbox and he was saying, "darl, this is the same shit you're in.." and yeahh... the lyrics... goddamn it's not real, man. every words sung describes my shit completely... like what the fuck. ahh well. then izhar kept singing/typing this to me on the msn "she wants to go home.. but nobody's home... no place to go..." arghh! it was super irritating. quite recently, i start downloading some songs and yeahh... i read the lyrics as well. the fuck. yeahh.... it so sounds like what i'm going through. hahahahhah! crap la fuck! and this song i download. i had no idea which album it's from... how does it feel. yeahh... so many songs... sounds so me. hahahha! sooooo meeeeee. i don't care anymore. call me whatever la after you read this. just thoughts. plainly thoughts.
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[27 Nov 2005|03:06am] |
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mood |
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very datty too |
] |
| [ |
music |
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life in mono |
] |
the song i've been playing repetitively. it's exactly what i am feeling. not exactly. i'm still pretty upset that aunty agnes has burst her bubbles. she told stuff to my mom. i don't know. it makes things worst and difficult for my sister too. i'm not gonna depend on sis on anything much right now. i'll suffer if i have to. plan to try sleeping on the streets if i have to when shaz's mom comes back. maybe i can ask the boys to go to the beach with me and spend 7 nights there. lol! life's a thrill. fucking thrill. love it. live it like i should. well. FUCK it. hahah!
bani haykal's worried about a few things. he let it out to me. i promise to zip my mouth ya, pal. :) this fucking song is making me sad la. lol. i want to make a perfect dress in black for myself... and i will dance to this song..... at the suicide alley. if i trip, so be it. if i hurt my butt, yay! yes. crazy. i'm fucking sure that everyone else feels like doing all these. it's just that it's pretty rare that anyone's doing it. and it's a old brand label "crazy" they'll put on you. crazy if something's not really common. bahh.
so people wearing skate shoes must be labelled skaters? can i be called my own label. like SINNERY. hahah! eyyyy shut up ahh malay-u! my imagination runs wild whenever annoying attention-seeking malays shouting comments. i imagined shoving their balls in their mouths. i don't know how that works.
i heard rezz is going down. well then just go straight down to the 7th hell la fuck. i don't know whether that exists at all. well. just another mat. just another fucking mat. :) i like what you've done to me. :) makes me much more stronger. makes me grow up faster. more wiser.
any other boys?? wanna bring it on? test me? try to fuck around with me. you're most welcome. small dicks. heh! sorry. just know how to talk shit. well just walk the talk la fuck.
i'm angry at myself now for not working. i will... sooon..... hopefully i will serve you some fish...
:)
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| the story |
[21 Nov 2005|01:01am] |
so here. i screwed the dance job. got a little freaked out. had a chat with dat and i said screw everything. all i need was money. then he made the point.. if im too worried about dignity... well.... don't do it. nahh he did not stop me. i got a little freaked out. i don't think i want to remember doing this shit 30 years down the road.
ok i miss dat like hell like mad like whatever fuck. yeah we are able to get along too well. we can talk just about anything. like i fool around and date around. i like this. this whole game. at least i don't feel tied down by a commitment which is unnecessary. yeah me and dat are supposed to play some game but in the end we totally forgot to play that game. he'll be super busy. i'm gonna make myself busy too. i have to. i keep calling and smsing him. i feel like i've became like iqbal. aiyohhh! i'm becoming paranoid. hahaha!
i miss debbie too! met her just now... yep... she was tipsy.. then drunk. she smsed me three times telling me that she loves me. well deb, i know.. i love you too. :)
went out with razif, shakeel, adil mubarak and yesmin.... and shaz and naz.. yes, shaz left the club halfway.... can i not elaborate about this out clubbing thingy... i wasn't having good time ley...
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greyed's journal
bouncy
bored
